I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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