By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
