she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
