I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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