i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
