This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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