i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
