grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
