kristin has been a bad kristin
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
