its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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