I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
