I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
