I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
