absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
