I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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