After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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