i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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