the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
