I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
