I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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