Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
