dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
