you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
