mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
