sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
