I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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