if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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