I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
