I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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