I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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