I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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