She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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