I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
