how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
