yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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