i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
