Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
