I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
