i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
