yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
