dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
