Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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