Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
