there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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