Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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