bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
