Screwed.edu
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is Oprah even human
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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