You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
