His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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