M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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