i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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