They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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